Doing Hard Things

It’s become a mantra of sorts in our house. Hudson is experiencing this quite a lot — being an growingly independent four-year old and all…We have some big goals for him before he turns 5 and we’ve achieved one already (riding a bicycle!); the other is to learn to read and we’re practicing almost every day. He is learning new skills all the time and when he gets frustrated, we say “What’s your name? Hudson. What can you do? Hard things!”But I’ve also found myself telling myself this a lot lately.In my natural state, I shy away from hard things. I tend stick to the things I know and am proficient at; I’m just not interested in doing new things. To me, this isn’t a bad thing, but I do recognize that it prevents me from growing (and therefore, prevents me from modeling the same Growth Mindset that I want Hudson to have).

The initial heading was “Embrace the Suck”, which is another mantra I use when I’m not where I want to be and feel like I’m stuck. But I also think that sometimes just acknowledging the feelings you have can lead to breakthroughs more quickly. I’m one to try and push through negative emotions and feelings in order to get to a place of positivity. But I’m starting to practice Just Feeling and I find that sometimes it’s actually better than ignoring or suppressing my feelings.I recently had dinner with a friend and told her I’ve been trying to cook more - not only to save money (eating out is expensive!), but also to just learn a new skill and gain more confidence in the kitchen. She asked if I’m enjoying it and I said, bluntly and honestly, not really. Because I fail a lot. Because I feel like I’ve wasted money if a meal is a flop. Because I feel ashamed when something I’ve done isn’t good enough.But I’m growing and learning to view a “failed” meal as an opportunity; an opportunity to either say “Yes, this was bad. Not doing that again.” or to ask “Is this worth attempting again and what can be improved next time?” — I’m happy to say that it does get easier each time. The time between Just Feeling Sad and figuring out the next step lessens each time. I can feel ashamed or upset that I spent $30 on steaks that I overcooked (again) and that the baked potatoes aren’t as fluffy as they could’ve been because I took them out too early (again!). But I really like a good steak and potato dinner and I want to master it, so I will keep going. (Side Bar Moment: One of the funniest things Holden has ever told me is “Nikki, you can’t rush potatoes” - and every time I botch a potato recipe, I think about it. Multiple meals have gone awry because I tried to rush the potatoes. Note to self: Make a “You can’t rush potatoes” cross stitch.)

A few months ago, I started learning how to crochet. I remember sitting at the kitchen table in near tears because I just couldn’t understand how in the world to do a single crochet stitch. The chain stitches were great. But try and single crochet into them and it was all wrong! My things looked nothing like the video. It was frustrating. But I persisted, because (say it with me), “I can do hard things”. First, I mastered doing rows, then I mastered creating magic circles* and single crochets and then it was off to the races with amigurumi animals. After completing my first amigurumi fox (which definitely deserved a There Was An Attempt star), I was proud, but also felt defeated, if I’m honest. It was a lot of hard work and Hudson loved it for a while. But it has since joined his menagerie of stuffed toys and I just don’t love it in proportion to the amount of effort I put into it. I made a few “snowballs” during the January 2024 Snow Week and I made another amigurumi octopus that turned out really good (it definitely has its flaws, but looks way closer to the finished product than the fox did). But I could not bring myself to start another amigurumi project. I felt a little guilty about starting this hobby (and sharing about it publicly) and then abandoning it because I just didn’t enjoy it very much.Until granny squares.I went back to Youtube University and started watching videos of granny squares (and can I just say that there is something SUPER therapeutic about watching other people crochet. Is it weird that I sometimes prefer watching people crochet to actually crocheting myself??).So I picked up the hook again and started learning new things; luckily, mastering the double crochet stitch was way easier than learning stitches early on. (Side Bar Moment*: I actually also have recently found that I prefer magic circles to other methods of starting out in the round - never thought I’d have such a strong preference toward magic circles it until I started doing granny squares; I watched so many videos that started out with a chain and then a single crochet into the chain and I could never figure it out. Magic circles aren’t for everybody, but they are for me!)I find that I actually REALLY enjoy granny squares. It’s something I can start and finish quickly (#NearInstantGratification) and, while I’ve been doing mostly the same pattern, there are SOO many more other granny square patterns that I can’t wait to learn. The repetition is great for my Overactive Brain - I can sit down with either a TV show (Schitt’s Creek has been my go to) or a podcast and just go (this is also true for me with cross stitch); my hands have an activity and my brain has an activity. It’s heavenly.All this to say - I let go of an expectation to love making amigurumi in order to try something different. I pivoted and I’ve mastered some new skills and have fallen back into a rhythm of actual enjoyment with crochet.

In other pivots: fitness. I’m still running. And actually finding that I am also finding enjoyment in it again.I ran a lot between the years of 2010 and 2015ish. Fell out of love with it after completing a full marathon (#BucketList) and fell in love with bodybuilding. Training and competing were basically my life during 2016-2018 and I still look back on those years with extreme fondness and pride. But for the last few years, I’ve been in flux with my fitness goals. Specifically, I haven’t had any.I made a goal for myself at the end of 2023 to run 5K (3.1 miles) and I did it. Throughout “training” to run a 5K again, I never put pressure on myself to keep going after I ran one; I gave myself permission to say “Done” and then go back to primarily lifting weights. But somewhere between the weather getting warmer, living right next to a beautiful greenway, and getting tired of Garage Workouts, I’ve been enjoying running a lot more.I’m running consistently about 3 times a week with the occasional Garage Weightlifting Sesh, but overall, I’m finding a lot of joy in running again. So much so that I’ve set a tentative goal to run a 10K. I don’t know that there will be an official race to mark the occasion or if it will be a Virtual 10K (I’ve become a big fan of virtual races - see also: I live next to a Greenway, so I don’t have to drive anywhere to run).

Because I tend to be long-winded at work, I’ve started writing TLDRs whenever I give updates. So here’s the TL;DR for this: I’m doing hard things because not only is a Growth Mindset important, but it’s important to me to also model the behavior/mindset for Hudson. I am embracing Feeling All The Things when I get frustrated. I’m cooking more and learning to give grace to myself during the process, I’ve found new outlets in my crochet hobby, and I’ve started loving running again.All these things started out as Hard Things. But they’re becoming less hard because of consistent practice and finding enjoyment in those crafts.